Divorce, Parenting Time, Substance Abuse, Supervised Visitation, Court Appeal, Work Schedule, Overnight Availibilty, Lose Custody, Losing Custody, Guardian Ad Litem, Custody, Custody Battle, Family Law, Visitation, Child Custody, Corporal Punishment, Custody Modification, Child Engagement, Legal Advice, Visitation Rights.
What To Do When… You’ve Lost Custody.
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The objective of the What To Do When… podcast is to discuss common legal scenarios faced by everyday citizens in Virginia. Critzer and Cardani practice law throughout Virginia and focus their practice around the state’s capital of Richmond, in the Piedmont region. Tune in and subscribe to learn about legal topics such as reckless driving by speeding, bad lawyers, Will Knows Weed, juvenile defense, juvenile sex crimes, reckless driving, the legalization of marijuana in Virginia, divorce 101, Child Support, There is Still Hope, and others.
What To Do When… You’ve Lost Custody.
On this legal video podcast chat in Critzer Cardani’s What To Do When… legal chat video podcast series, join our hosts Jackie Critzer and Scott Cardani as they chat about What To Do When… You’ve Lost Custody. This video and audio podcast episode focuses on how to navigate changes or here in Virginia.
Tune in today for not only our top 3 take-aways, but also some chat about the following subject matters and other helpful action items from a ‘legal chat slant’ from Critzer Cardani’s legal partners.
* Scott Cardani and Jackie discuss common misconceptions about losing custody, emphasizing that it doesn’t necessarily mean having less than 50% parenting time.
* Use the time awarded by the court and engage with the child, rather than letting the child spend time with other family members.
* Reevaluate work schedule and consider making changes to be more available for the child if work schedule was an issue.
* Enroll in a substance abuse program – NA or AA if substance abuse was a factor in losing custody.
* Jackie explains the process of appealing a custody decision, including filing in the circuit court and the possibility of a new judge and guardian ad litem. Scott highlights the importance of addressing issues that led to the initial custody loss, such as substance abuse, in the appeal.
The objective of the What To Do When… podcast is to discuss common legal scenarios faced by everyday citizens in Virginia. Critzer and Cardani practice law throughout Virginia and focus their practice around the state’s capital of Richmond, in the Piedmont region. Tune in and subscribe to learn about legal topics such as reckless driving by speeding, bad lawyers, Will Knows Weed, juvenile defense, juvenile sex crimes, reckless driving, the legalization of marijuana in Virginia, divorce 101, Child Support, There is Still Hope and others.
Thank you for sending us your feedback, questions, or topic suggestions for future #WTDW | What To Do When… episodes by emailing [email protected].
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Transcript:
What To Do When… Intro 00:01
Welcome to What To Do When… A podcast from real lawyers with real perspective, where we explore a variety of legal issues and scenarios. Each week we focus on a new topic and discuss what to do when and if any of these legal scenarios ever happened to you or a loved one. With over 40 years of combined legal experience, our hosts offer their unique perspectives and insights on a range of real life legal situations.
Jackie Critzer 0:28
Hi. Welcome back to another podcast here at Critzer Cardani in Richmond, Virginia, I’m Jackie.
Scott Cardani 0:34
I’m Scott. Jackie, What’s on the docket for today?
Jackie Critzer 0:37
What To Do When… You’ve Lost Custody.
Scott Cardani 0:41
Lost custody. So you mean you’re a parent of a child, and you no longer have access to that child, or very limited access to that child, correct?
Jackie Critzer 0:50
Well, so I find it interesting some parents think that if they don’t have the lion’s share more than 50% of the parenting time that they’ve lost custody. That’s not really how the law sees it, right? But for the most part, what we’re really talking about is if you have less than shared, less than 50/50, custody. Or maybe you’ve been relegated to every other weekend, maybe you’ve been relegated to no overnights, maybe you have to do supervised visitation. Those are the kinds of losing custody. We’re not talking about like a 55/45 split or expanded summer time, but you get the whole summer where the parent had that school year. We’re not really, I mean, yes, we can talk about that as well, but really we’re talking about the parent who felt like they were very, very involved, and then all of a sudden they’re walking out of court with every other weekend.
Scott Cardani 0:50
Yeah – And usually the court’s premise, and where they’re supposed to start is, this is a two parents, and we’re at 50/50, and we’re and again, don’t get caught up in counting days. That’ll just ruin your your whole life. But generally, you’re sharing custody, and that’s the idea the court’s supposed to look at. And then from there, somebody’s have to prove that you’ve done something to take away and delete the amount of time that you have.
Jackie Critzer 2:05
Sure.
Scott Cardani 2:05
Over time. So that’s where, and you’re in that position, right? You’ve, let’s, we’ll take the easy one. You’ve been the common is to have every other weekend when you’re in that position, you don’t have week on, week off, or two to three, which is, you know, you have two nights, then three nights, then two nights, then three nights, or something like that. But we’ll just give you the other every other weekend. I think it’s the easiest and kind of the common thing.
Jackie Critzer 2:30
So, you come out of court you have a court order, well, you can appeal it, right? You can take it to the circuit court and start this whole process, unless you’re in the divorce court, which is another story, assuming you’ve been in the juvenile court. You can go out of court, you can file the appeal, you can then retry the entire case. It’s a whole new judge with a whole new experience. Same guardian ad litem, and could be your same attorney, unless you fire them and hire a new one, or they decide not to take on your case on appeal, and the other side, if they were represented, tends to maintain their representation. But it is a new judge in a new courtroom in a new courthouse.
Scott Cardani 3:06
Yeah. And the biggest thing about that is you’ve already had a trial, so the things that they picked on your life, about you have the grand opportunity to go those aren’t issues in my life, and prove to a judge, or the next judge, or the next time you come to court that these are no longer issues. That’s what we really want to talk about today. Say, for instance, um…
Jackie Critzer 3:27
Well… substance abuse.
Scott Cardani 3:29
That’s an easy one. I was going to bring that one up. So you have a substance abuse issue. Wifey gets, you know, the majority of custody you’re stuck with every other weekend, but you have to have supervised because they believe you can’t handle your drinking. So what do you do?
Jackie Critzer 3:45
I would tell my client to first of all, enroll in a program, enroll in AA. But do it. Go to the meetings. If you have been relegated to supervised visitation, because the evidence was strong enough to suggest that your drinking is more than you can handle, or more than is appropriate for you to have, even overnight or even unsupervised visitation, there’s a problem, even if you don’t see it. So you got to come to terms with the substance to begin with. If the evidence that put on wasn’t fabricated, and I haven’t seen that yet, but if it wasn’t fabricated, like they do on TV. Then, then you need to come to terms with your own substance abuse issue, and that means start it. Start first thing, first. Start in a meeting, whether it’s narcotics, NA, AA, any kind of program.
Scott Cardani 4:32
And What sometimes helps people is realize what you just lost because of that addiction, or you don’t think it’s an addiction, but your kids feel like that or whatever. So that can help motivate you to get help. And I say, I’ll go one step further, Jackie, because I’m crazy town, but say they lied about your addiction.
Jackie Critzer 4:51
MMMMMMMMM….. .
Scott Cardani 4:51
You know, the easiest way to fix it sometimes is just go through the program. Let somebody else, a treatment professional, say, Hey, I don’t see any problem this person. Then, I think what they was told was lies. I went through all their history, walked them through I’ve, you know, they’ve been on a SCRAM bracelet for six months and not had any pop whatsoever, you know, and all those kind of things. So there’s our ways to kind of submit to the process because, you know, you’re clean. What does it, you know, sometimes it’s a faster process, I guess, to prove them to be a liar, then sometimes to try to say, Thou does protest too much, and you’re just like, No, I don’t have a problem. I don’t have a problem, but the judge has already adjudicated you have a problem.
Right.
So ride it out sometimes, or say, okay, but I like what Jackie said sometimes too. It’s just a good idea to this is how people are viewing you. I don’t think it’s a problem, but everybody out here is viewing this as a problem. I need to accept that and make some changes.
Jackie Critzer 5:46
And make some changes, right? If you Yes, make some changes. So that’s the first thing. When it comes to substance abuse. What else do we see for reasons for parents to be you know, every other weekend parent work, I see a lot with work schedules, or it’s difficult. Maybe there’s a swing shift and look no shame in that, right? We have paramedics, the firefighters, police, all the, you know, public service people, not to mention military. I mean, you you work hard and you work hard hours, nurses who work overnight. I mean, these are, these are difficult positions to have when you have a broken family or you’re fighting for custody, because you know, if there’s a parent available in an overnight capacity, that’s, that’s where the judge is likely going to put the child is with the more stable schedule, work schedule and whatnot.
Scott Cardani 6:38
Yeah and that’s really difficult too, because if you think about it, say, say it’s Jackie, and I say, what I have all midnights, and she has days she’s still got to work. So does the same courtesy apply to me when the kids are home during the day? And a good lawyer will argue that with the judge and say, Well, Judge, I realize that you’re kind of penalizing my guy because he works overnight and he has a babysitter in place, somebody else who’s living a house or a nanny comes over and stays with the kids. But you’re not penalizing mom when she goes to work eight to five, you know, the kids are unsupervised during that period, and she has daycare, and that’s totally fine with the court, you know. So you got you as a lawyer, you got to be smart about those things. But if, again, if that’s an issue, and the courts held that against you, and which they they have. And again, it’s not stability. I wouldn’t call it stability. It’s called…
Jackie Critzer 7:25
Availability.
Scott Cardani 7:26
Availability, and, um, then you have to kind of process that, and you have to say, Okay, what’s important to me? And how’s, is there ways I can change it? Some people like working midnights, you know? And they’re like…
Jackie Critzer 7:36
Sure,
Scott Cardani 7:36
This is great for me. Well, is it great for your family.
Jackie Critzer 7:40
Right.
Scott Cardani 7:40
Is it worth it to you to go, Okay, I’m not seeing my kids as much because I’m working midnights. Do I want to reevaluate my life choices in my career? And, you know, I want to be with my kids more? And I’m not saying you have to do that, but do you have to realize that that’s the hindrance, and you have to make big boy evaluations about what you’re willing to do or not do to figure that out, and I think that’s super important to understand. And even if you appeal a decision, say, Judge so and so made a decision that he didn’t like your schedule, and you’re going to the court upstairs, you know that was the only if that was the only issue against you, that might be something to consider.
Jackie Critzer 8:15
Sure.
Scott Cardani 8:15
How do I fix that or not fix that, or how I explain it better, or take better care, or have a better plan, or whatever it may be to maybe remove that hindrance.
Jackie Critzer 8:23
I think one other thing what to do when you’ve lost custody, and it depends on the reasons and the terms, but what’s important? And I always tell my clients, ask for more time. Because the order is almost always going to say an additional time, as the parties agree. So ask and don’t demand, but ask, Hey, I’m available this afternoon from four o’clock forward. Could I please you know, have extra time with the child or children this evening, I’ll make sure they’re back to you by 7am 8am back to school, back to daycare, whatever that looks like. Ask for the additional time. Part of what the judges have to consider is whether visitation or parenting time has been unreasonably withheld. And I’m not, we’re not saying that. You know, if you’ve got a substance abuse issue, you should be asking for more time prior to having that issue evaluated and corrected. This is just when you have this is the parent who works different shifts, or has otherwise, ordinarily been unavailable for an overnight sometime in the week. Well, we do see a lot as parents really get inflexible. And my kids need routine. They’re in school, but you know what they do Monday through Friday from my house and the other parent really shouldn’t have overnights in the middle of the week. Mmmmmm…. That depends on, really how disrupt, like, if mom or dad, if the other parent, can get the kids, dinner, bathed, to bed…
Scott Cardani 9:46
Homework.
Jackie Critzer 9:48
Homework done, and up and out the door to school on time. It’s, in my opinion, which means really not much, but in my opinion, that’s, that’s not a reason. I mean, that’s, that would be an unreasonable withholding in the middle of the week. If you found it to be disruptive and the child performed very poorly at school the next day. Or you get an email from the teacher every time the child has stayed with the other parent in the middle of the week, you get an email that says, hey, I had a really hard time getting so and so to focus. Or they were really combative today. I mean, that’s something different, right? We would cross that bridge, but you have to give the other parent the chance.
Scott Cardani 10:22
Yeah and quite frankly, kids are malleable to what we work with. And you know, if you’re the parent in your work, if you’re truly worried about Johnny not doing his homework at dad’s, you can say to Johnny, hey, I expect you to do your homework at dad’s house.
Jackie Critzer 10:37
For sure you can.
Scott Cardani 10:37
I can I expect you to get up in the morning and go to school when I expect you to do all things and you should be doing that as a parent. Be as a parent, because that’s their best interest.
Jackie Critzer 10:45
Absolutley.
Scott Cardani 10:45
Instead of, we see the whole sabotage a lot. We’re like, you know, well, he wouldn’t get out of bed. Well, what did you do? I didn’t do anything, you know, kind of thing. And so, you know, as again, let the other parent, if they’re being unreasonable, show their unreasonable disc. You do the right thing, and, you know, remove the hindrances. And I was trying to think of the other one as corporal punishment could be a big thing. In today’s unfortunate area where that we’re in. It’s like some people think that a child should never be spanked. Some judges think that that’s the worst thing in the world, even though, I think, constitutionally, you have the right to discipline your children how you want. It doesn’t always play out like that.
Jackie Critzer 11:24
Right.
Scott Cardani 11:24
And you know, so you really got to be careful with that, and you got to really make evaluations what’s important to you, because there are a lot of ways to discipline your kid. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Jackie Critzer 11:34
For sure.
Scott Cardani 11:34
For sure, and but, you know, sometimes people have values and beliefs and things like that. And again, what I’m saying is, if it costs you with Judge X to lose your custody, you may want to be put down your pride for a minute and say my kids are more important than whether I spank them or not.
Jackie Critzer 11:52
And whether the court agrees with my position on it.
Scott Cardani 11:55
Yeah, exactly. So those are the issues. And again, I agree with your position on don’t get me wrong, but sure, that’s not the issue. So sometimes you have to be bigger than the issue and say, Okay, this issue has cost me. Is this a hill I want to die on?
Jackie Critzer 12:09
For sure.
Scott Cardani 12:09
And there are some I’m getting more and more as I practice law, as long as I have getting more and more to the point there are hills that we have to die on.
Jackie Critzer 12:16
Yes.
Scott Cardani 12:17
And that’s a conversation between you and your lawyer and your lawyer and really talking it through, and that’s what we would be here to help. But when you’ve lost custody, your first thing should not be outrage outward. It should be kind of introspective. Okay, what happened? And let me evaluate that. Let me think about that. Let me at least put down all my pride for a second and say, Okay, this is what happened to me. These are the things that judge said to me. It doesn’t mean you have to agree to them. Listen to them, though, and that helps you prepare your future and say, Okay, these are some things that the judge didn’t like. And let me think about those. And that’s you know, a lawyer can really help you with that. Is that a hill you need to die on or is not.
Jackie Critzer 12:58
Even if you don’t appeal it, and you just take the six months of the year to work on you and get those things straightened out. The custody doesn’t is not permanent. It is always modifiable. But so once you become introspective, the other thing we want you to do is make sure you’re asking for additional time when it’s appropriate.
Scott Cardani 13:13
Again, it’s big time.
Jackie Critzer 13:14
And last but not least, use the time that’s been awarded to you. Don’t give it away. Don’t send the child to be with grandparents. Don’t send the child to be with aunts and uncles. Or, you know, if so, slumber parties are a little different. Does your child or do your children need continuing relationships with grandparents and aunts and uncles? No doubt about it, absolutely yes. That doesn’t mean they can’t go see them, but if they’re going to go, you go, Okay, you use the time that the court has determined is appropriate for you as the parent, when you don’t use the time the court’s already provided for you, you’re gonna have a really, really difficult battle asking for more time.
Scott Cardani 13:51
Absolutely. Yeah, that’s very smart. And you know, there’s a lot of ways we don’t use our time and we can get into it later, but basically, don’t let your kids come to house and you do something completely different isolated from them, and they’re doing their own thing. That’s the same thing. So be very careful. Use your time, engage your children. You know, you know people where I don’t have a lot of money, you don’t have to have a lot of money. There’s plenty of free parks and things that take a walk together. You can do all kinds of things to engage them. You know, read a book together. You know, whatever you want to do there. Raising children doesn’t necessarily cost money and spending time with them all the time. Obviously, it costs money because they’re expensive little boogers. But you can make it. You can do things. You can be creative. There’s all kinds of websites that help you be creative with that. So be creative with your time. You know, find things that your kids like to do and try to do those with them so you’re engaging and you’re building a relationship.
Jackie Critzer 14:40
If you found yourself in a situation where you have lost custody or you’ve been awarded last time, then you think is, is necessary, appropriate in your case, give us a call. We are happy to talk to you. 804-793-8010, or visit our website at cclawva.com. We’re happy to hear from you at [email protected].
Scott Cardani 15:01
We’re here to help.
Jackie Critzer 15:02
Like and subscribe. Thank you.
Scott Cardani 15:05
Thank you.
What To Do When… Outro 12:13
We hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of What To Do When… For more episodes, be sure to subscribe to our podcast and we encourage you to check archives to listen to previous topics. Tune in next week for a new episode and some fresh perspective from Critzer Cardani.
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We look forward to helping you in this venture and Good Luck!
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