Sexual assault, mistletoe, consent, boundaries, holiday party, manipulation, victim perception, legal perspective, civil cases, victim resources, inappropriate touching, cultural change, sexual battery, victim support.
What To Do When… Ho Ho Ho – Sexual Assault & Mistletoe
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The objective of the What To Do When… podcast is to discuss common legal scenarios faced by everyday citizens in Virginia. Critzer and Cardani practice law throughout Virginia and focus their practice around the state’s capital of Richmond, in the Piedmont region. Tune in and subscribe to learn about legal topics such as reckless driving by speeding, bad lawyers, bankruptcy, juvenile defense, juvenile sex crimes, reckless driving, Divorce, Marriage Separation, Child Support, There is Still Hope and others. Critzer Cardani PC serves Chesterfield, Richmond, Henrico, and all the surrounding areas here in Virginia from the Beach to the Blue Ridge.
What To Do When… Ho Ho Ho – Sexual Assault & Mistletoe
On this legal video podcast chat in Critzer Cardani’s What To Do When… podcast series, join our hosts Jackie Critzer and Scott Cardani as they chat about What To Do When… Ho Ho Ho – Sexual Assault & Mistletoe. This video and audio podcast episode focuses on Sexual Assault here in Virginia.
Tune in today for not only our top take-aways, but also some chat about the following subject matters and other helpful action items from a ‘legal chat slant’ from Critzer Cardani’s legal partners.
* Kissing Under the Mistletoe and Sexual Assault
* Boundaries and Consent
* Cultural Shifts and Legal Implications
* Holiday Parties and Appropriate Behavior
* Support for Victims of Sexual Assault
The objective of the What To Do When… podcast is to discuss common legal scenarios faced by everyday citizens in Virginia. Critzer and Cardani practice law throughout Virginia and focus their practice around the state’s capital of Richmond, in the Piedmont region. Tune in and subscribe to learn about legal topics such as reckless driving by speeding, bad lawyers, bankruptcy, juvenile defense, juvenile sex crimes, reckless driving, Divorce, Marriage Separation, Child Support, There is Still Hope and others. Critzer Cardani PC serves Chesterfield, Richmond, Henrico, and all the surrounding areas here in Virginia from the Beach to the Blue Ridge.
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Serving Chesterfield, Richmond, Henrico, and all the surrounding areas. From the VA Beach to the VA Blue Ridge. Thank you for sending us your feedback, questions, or topic suggestions for future #WTDW | What To Do When… episodes by emailing [email protected].
Transcript:
What To Do When… Intro 00:01
Welcome to What To Do When… A podcast from real lawyers with real perspective, where we explore a variety of legal issues and scenarios. Each week we focus on a new topic and discuss what to do when and if any of these legal scenarios ever happened to you or a loved one. With over 40 years of combined legal experience, our hosts offer their unique perspectives and insights on a range of real life legal situations.
Jackie Critzer 0:28
Hi. Welcome back to another episode of What To Do When… here at Critzer Cardani in Richmond, Virginia. I’m Jackie.
Scott Cardani 0:34
I’m Scott Jackie. What are we gonna talk about today?
Jackie Critzer 0:37
Kissing under the mistletoe!
Scott Cardani 0:39
Ooh, holiday season approaching. What’s that song?
Scott Cardani 0:42
I don’t know. I feel like you were just singing it.
Scott Cardani 0:44
I won’t sing it again. I won’t hurt our audience that bad. But anyways, yeah, so we’re talking about, you know, again, we’ve talked about this a lot, but there’s been a, just a real uptick in sexual assault cases recently.
Jackie Critzer 0:58
Well, you just said we’re talking about kissing under the mistletoe. Is that sdexual assault?
Scott Cardani 1:01
Yeah? Is it? Hmm, yeah. You know, it really depends on the receiver sometimes, doesn’t it?
Jackie Critzer 1:06
It really is the victim’s eyeballs and the victim’s perception is really what carries the day.
Scott Cardani 1:14
It does and, you know, and sometimes that can be problematic, unfortunately. But for instance, we’re, we’re having a Critzer Cardani Christmas party, and we put up that portable, we just heard about these portable…
Jackie Critzer 1:27
Mistletoe!
Scott Cardani 1:27
Mistletoes… I guess you can carry with your carry on your thing. So if I have a mistletoe on my hat, let’s just say it’s on top of my I have some kind of hat.
Jackie Critzer 1:36
Santa hat!
Scott Cardani 1:37
With a mistletoe on top of it. Am I inviting people to kiss me?
Jackie Critzer 1:41
Aren’t you?
Scott Cardani 1:42
Aren’t you?
Jackie Critzer 1:43
Isn’t it sort of common knowledge that that’s what mistletoe is. Is an invitation if you’re under it.
Scott Cardani 1:49
Do you think that would hold up in court?
Jackie Critzer 1:50
No.
Scott Cardani 1:50
Okay, I’m just saying. But you know, these are really important thoughts.
Jackie Critzer 1:55
If I were the judge….
Scott Cardani 1:56
Yes.
Jackie Critzer 1:57
I would have a hard time and truthfulness. If I’m wearing the black robe, I would have a hard time looking at somebody wearing mistletoe on their hat, complaining that somebody kissed them. What did you want to have happen? What did you think was going to happen when you wore really the common knowledge thing that was an invitation for kissing.
Scott Cardani 2:18
Well, and you know, you run into it a lot of times, and we see it within two boy and girl decide to get in the back seat and engage.
Jackie Critzer 2:26
No mistletoe.
Scott Cardani 2:27
Yeah, no mistletoe there. But you know, where are the boundaries, where the lines, who’s, who’s in control of that? And it becomes a mess quicker than most people think. And I realize it goes on every day, all the time, and nobody complains, and there’s no but we deal with the people who do complain or don’t complain or get are charged with the com the complaint saying, Hey!
Jackie Critzer 2:49
We have to be be wise as a young person, or older person – it doesn’t really matter, if you are in a situation where you are, first of all, as as the victim, and I use that word a little loosely right now, who has been persuaded to engage at any level in physical intimacy. I’m not necessarily sex, but any kind of touching or what have you. That’s a problem. And you being manipulated into that, or persuaded into that, is really what we’re talking about now. We’re going to talk to the persuader or the manipulator. If you’re convincing somebody that they ought to be in the backseat with you, or they should come stand under the mistletoe with you, or go to the bedroom at this party with you. There’s, that’s the beginning of the problem, right there. There’s that consent is not persuaded.
Scott Cardani 3:36
Yes.
Jackie Critzer 3:37
Okay, that’s, that’s the brass tacks.
Scott Cardani 3:39
That’s a brass tacks. And it’s, you know, we are taught through TV, movies, everything, that that’s how it’s all done, and that’s my biggest problem with it. You know, especially the older movies, man, you look at the movies in the 50s and 60s, there’s such a pursuit element. And the girl’s pushing the guy away, and she really wants to be kissed.
Jackie Critzer 3:56
And then he grabs her, and there’s, like, this romantic piece to it.
Scott Cardani 4:01
Yeah And today you’ve just committed sexual assault.
Jackie Critzer 4:01
That’s right.
Scott Cardani 4:01
And you’re gonna go to jail.
Jackie Critzer 4:02
It doesn’t matter if she was wearing mistletoe.
Scott Cardani 4:02
I used to do a lot of groups and stuff, and I would talk to people, and they’d ask me those questions, and I’d say, look, at least have the integrity that if it’s okay for Joe to do it, but you didn’t like John because he was ugly. Maybe it wasn’t sexual assault, maybe it was something else. And you, I mean, if you didn’t tell him, No, I’m just saying, you know, or you’re inviting it, but it didn’t get you didn’t get the right participant.
Jackie Critzer 4:34
Oh, I see.
Scott Cardani 4:35
You know, you got to be a little careful. I think, I think that has a lot of lack of integrity to it when you’re when you’re putting yourself out there, but you didn’t like what you got. And so, but anyways, I mean.
Jackie Critzer 4:45
Well that, and that’s the manipulation on the other side, is maybe you wanted more. They didn’t want more. And so then you said, Well, fine. Then you persuaded me to do what I did do, and now you’re charged with sexual assault or. Sexual, sexual battery. I mean, the the just be aware that the victim also can manipulate and persuade and then call out issues and call out charges, really because of that. So you really need to be wise about who you’re spending time with.
Scott Cardani 5:17
All right, let’s, let’s go this. We’re at, we’re at a holiday party, all right, and you go up and you touch Miss Brown’s breast. Have you committed sexual assault?
Jackie Critzer 5:28
Yes.
Scott Cardani 5:29
Does it matter if you’re a boy or girl?
Jackie Critzer 5:33
No. Well, the answer is no. If she said, come touch my breast.
Scott Cardani 5:38
Exactly.
Jackie Critzer 5:39
If she did not say, or in some way, you know, that an ordinary, regular person could opine that she was inviting then, then, yes, that’s sexual assault.
Scott Cardani 5:51
Well, that’s the point. What about hitting you on the butt when it passed by?
Jackie Critzer 5:56
Same – sexual assault.
Scott Cardani 5:58
Wow. What about your leg? That’s just all generally, but it is. It’s the intimate parts. It’s touching the parts that people hold intimate in. You know, we kind of do that by underwear.
Jackie Critzer 6:11
Breast, Butts, Genitals.
Scott Cardani 6:11
Yeah – just those things. But, you know, the point is that we live in a culture right now that I think starting to change a little bit, and I but when I was growing up, I say this all the time, and I think it’s really important to understand when we were growing up, I think you too, if we got in the back seat and we’re making out, and she never did that, but I never did it either. I just heard stories. But, you know, two people were making out in the back seat, and the boys, kind of the job was the man to kind of lead in the backseat, so he would try first base.
Jackie Critzer 6:14
Oh, sure.
Scott Cardani 6:39
And the girl in first base was touching the boob, you know, and you wanted to do something stupid like that, but the girl would be like, No, you’re not going there. And usually….
Jackie Critzer 6:51
Shocked, like, oh my gosh, I did that.
Scott Cardani 6:54
Yeah. And that would usually end the conversation. Now, if you’re in that situation, and you attempt a touching, and you touch, and she’s like, wait a minute, you just sexually assaulted me.
Jackie Critzer 7:05
There is a big jump from what it was to the Hey, no, I don’t want you to do that to I didn’t want you to do that. And therefore it’s sexual assault. The point….
Scott Cardani 7:15
No, go ahead.
Jackie Critzer 7:16
The point today is BEWARE THE MISTLETOE!!!
Scott Cardani 7:18
HA! Ho, Ho the mistletoe.
Jackie Critzer 7:21
It will, in fact, find trouble with with a wayward soul you, you need to be careful and be wise. Just because it is the holiday season, people drink a little more. They get a little more free in their affection. Maybe the hug lingers little too long. The hands wander, wander a little further than they ought. Whatever the case may be, be smart, be wise, and….
Scott Cardani 7:48
Instruct your children. It is so important that they understand that boundaries and that people have boundaries, and what is a boundary? You know, so often with little boys, they’re taught that touching a girl’s boob is funny. It’s not funny anymore.
Jackie Critzer 8:02
That’s true.
Scott Cardani 8:03
You know, just be wise. Let’s talk to our kids about this stuff. We don’t need them charged with a crime because they just were doing an innocent prank and they thought it was funny. I mean,
Jackie Critzer 8:13
snapping a girl’s bra strap in the back is is also actually considered sexual assault. Yeah, like that. And that, my God, that did happen all the time, when I was in school all the time, and girls did it to girls, it was I mean, beware. Teach your children. Raise gentlemen, raise ladies, and appropriate boundaries for all of us, including our children, our teenagers and even grown people.
Scott Cardani 8:38
And also teach our children not to be victims, to say what they want, what they don’t want, be bold about it, and, you know, be bold…
Jackie Critzer 8:44
BE BOLD.
Scott Cardani 8:45
and be strong and say, You know what? That’s not okay, you know. And that’s, that’s we need to teach our children that we need to teach them, Hey, you don’t have to, you know, be a victim. You can stand up. And, I mean, I realize it happens sometimes, and I’m not saying that. I’m just saying sometimes we can make ourselves because we didn’t say something. So say talk.
Jackie Critzer 9:03
And if you are a victim of sexual assault or sexual battery, speak up. There are places you can go. There are people who will help you. There are resources for you. This is very real and it and these things do happen. There are people who don’t stop when they’re told to stop who don’t abide by boundaries, and those people need to be punished for what they’re doing. So so don’t hide. You your story does need to be told. And also be wise. Be wise, and set your boundaries and do your best to not invite things that that you ordinarily wouldn’t.
Scott Cardani 9:36
Just so you know, we represent victims of sexual assault in civil cases, obviously criminal, the Commonwealth attorney is going to handle it in Virginia. But you know that can be a very satisfactory way to to vindicate yourself, especially, you know, some wealthy guy tries to take advantage of you. It’s a very, very real thing that we’re happy to to support you in, stand by you in and litigate in.
Jackie Critzer 10:02
Sure.
Scott Cardani 10:02
And help you get some resolution in that situation.
Jackie Critzer 10:07
It’s a tough subject, but there is help. We would love to be the ones you reached out to if you, in fact, do need help on either side of that situation. You can reach us at [email protected]
Scott Cardani 10:19
Like and Subscribe.
Jackie Critzer 10:21
Thanks.
Scott Cardani 10:21
Have a good day.
What To Do When… Outro 10:23
We hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of What To Do When… For more episodes, be sure to subscribe to our podcast and we encourage you to check archives to listen to previous topics. Tune in next week for a new episode and some fresh perspective from Critzer Cardani.
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We look forward to helping you in this venture and Good Luck!
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